I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
