pop tarts are not kleenex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You ate ashes out of my bong
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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