Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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