Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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