does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
