Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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