how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
