Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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