it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dicks are not precious.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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