first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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