You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
