new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
