Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
