Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
