That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
