sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
