Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize