a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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