i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
