awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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