I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need to calm my uterus...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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