Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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