Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
