I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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