So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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