I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
