i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
