is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
