I didn't shave. On purpose
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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