Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
