taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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