I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
