he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
