At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
