There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How naked do you want me to be?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
