The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize