I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
