My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
