my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
