Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
