I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i now understand why vodka
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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