and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
