I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize