I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
