i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
