I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
