Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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