You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
