i think my tv is drunk
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
