Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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