So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
