I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
