who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
