We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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