This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
