I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
