i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize