I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
