Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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