why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
