I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
