he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
