I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
