I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
