If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
