Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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