Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
