i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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