she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
