could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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