please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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