you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
