mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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