I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
