You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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