why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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