so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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