She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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