just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
