so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
