Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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