i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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