If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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