I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
