my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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