Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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