so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
