if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize