I wish I could punch you in the face.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize