Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
