Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
