Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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