if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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