Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize