He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
